Poems from the Past

These are memories. I recently discovered an old back-up disk from back in the day. There are old photos and documents on it. I found these poems, written during my high school era. Many of them are love poems. Its interesting to see how I was thinking and creating.
Apparently I still have much to learn from my experiences. I re-live them to get it right this time. This is evidence that life's phases tend to repeat themselves:



Many of these are actually lyrics from various bands I sang in.


...My Poems...

We Are Forever
Naturally I will turn over
If you could wake me without substance
Bring to me what I cant see
Then I breach the moderation of reverie
Still waters ceaselessly rising in my mind
Further no longer seems forever
I am over flowing you with what I find
And so further no longer seems forever
Forever
Inevitably elongating my siesta
If you come to me by my bed side
Massage our time with you
Every moment will be infinitely new
Low frequencies frequently freeing my mind
Further no longer seems forever
I am enlightened to the end when we bind
And so further no longer seems forever
Forever always we are
Forever
_________________________________

In The End
We drive up a dark pivoted hill
Unexpectedly, the air brings nothingness
When we get to the top we are still
Eachother with nothing more, nothing less
Gazing up at the stars we see
This is the way we need always be

We lay under a dark blue sea
Behind it is light and all we see
Is the light that has escaped to us
Through tiny holes guided from the heavens

I run my fingers through her silky hair
Massage her mind and open her to me
Our hands find eachother
They touch and talk as if extensions
To what we share underneath preservation
If only they open up and speak our passion

What once was a bridge is now collapsed
For I hold her closer and it is no longer needed
She was once broken away
But is now apart of me
In the end we forget
This is what we need always see

Her eyes understand me for just a moment
I let go and then we must leave
We drive back down the hill
It seems to me steeper as we descend
For none of this will matter in the end
_________________________________

Down With You
I can live with your bread but
Still nothing seems to please you
If you could deal with the pain
Then I could live without you
My care makes you cry
Your eyes to hear me
Your heart feeds on mine
Your eyes to wonder
Am I true or like the others
That you down, cause
When you down you
You down me
I fall down with you
But there's still hope
A better Life for you
Will bring me higher
Not as high as you can be
Just remember
When you down you
You down me
I fall down with you
I'm not true yet
I am here for you
So bring me down with you
Down with you
I can help you up the stairs
To bring you higher
If you are afraid
To go down the stairs
Then stay down here with me
Just remember
When you down you
You down me and
I fall down with you
__________________________

Gone
I need to love you but
You won't let me do that to you
If you let me then
I'll be stuck with you
Confused, you left my confusion
Need you when you are gone
Stronger, I rest through your sleep
Deep you when you are gone
Have you ever seen me?
I found you in a box
Unwrapped, you are small
Lying there you are a diamond
If I awake you turn to dust
Yet I shake your nerves
Sense you I regret this
I should never have opened your eyes
I need to love you but
You won't let me do that to you
If you let me then
I'll be stuck with you
_________________________

Her Life
As the light goes down upon her chest
Something small but he loves her
As he reaches out to feel her breasts
Something sweet for he needs her
Tasting her lips, young fragile mind
Experience pure skin, it's her first time
Desire is vague not bland with her incense
Lures him closer caressing her cleft
She quivers, felt down her spine
Moves through her body, she begins to cry
Rare light that faded away
Is now rising from her bold eyes
Beams into his mouth as he breathes
Filled with pleasure
Mistaken pleasure!
He moves his condemned life into her
Now he says things happen for a reason
Like it draws down on her
Depending on the season
That MAN that PAST that FACE that TIME
His evil grin as tears fell on his life
She SHAPED he FORMED her PAIN he LIED
She stands in a puddle of suicide
Her life, HER LIFE!
And the light goes down upon her life.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! That's right,
His product came with FREE Housing & Handling!!
Costing only $Her Life
(small print)
_______________________________

The Whole Hill Knows
With ring on finger promotes new singer
Living on a wire makes a man higher
Feeling for fire is what he must bring her
Fire is shiver to balance on wire
The whole hill knows
The whole hill flows
With fire on wire
The whole hill knows
People are insects lost in themselves
Insects are beautiful but know one knows
People are crowding on top the hill
Crowding our beautiful luminous shows
The whole hill knows
The whole hill flows
With fire on wire
The whole hill knows
With river constant flow-stop
The hill moves people on top
Flowing like blood its red-stop
The hill moves people on top
The whole hill knows
The whole hill flows
With fire on wire
The whole hill knows
_____________________

Delusion
When they want you to give in to the money, the religion
Everyone is trying to make a living they need you to buy
They need you Sell your life to them, for them
They breed you, copy you, diverting the human race
Into this commercialized insane place
Yeah well go away from here get out of me
I'm not interested
So
Step off my front porch
Don't call my number
Don't give me your church adds
I won't
Go to your meetings
Your company beatings
Pressuring you to sell your soul
To imprison my delusion
To imprison my delusion
So
Step off my front porch
Don't call my number
Don't give me your church adds
I won't
Go to your meetings
Your company beatings
Pressuring you to sell your soul
When the government decides your race
Commercializing the world into this insane place
No one can live here without
Natural instincts calming internal beauty
But they imprison you in your delusion
Stuck there forever unless you fight
Let you alone and get them out of you
Tell them you are not Interested
_____________________________

Know Your Angles (not your angels)
I know my angles
How about you?
Do you know your Angles?
You must comprehend
Do you know your Angles?
They'll pervert your head
You will find angles in here
They will change angles out there
Do you know your Angles?
Indefinitely, they're startling
Do you know your Angles?
Certainly by another degree
Soon you will be overwhelmed
If you listen - you can tell
This is the Angle
This is the angle!
Sounds in tangles
This is what you have been waiting for
Sound formed by two lines of concord
Angles has you now
This is what you have been waiting for
Sound formed by two lines of concord
I know my angles
So now do you?
The Angles that put your ears in tangles
The Angles that twist your mind, Well
You don't know your Angles
You can't comprehend
You don't know your Angles
They're too much for your head
You heard an angle
But you don't
Know your angles
________________________________

It Covered Them
When lines make juice of infests and
When lies make houses for insects
The ties make common sense that
Something gave a dog a bone
Someone came down on its own
Jaws gripping bringing meaning
It was what it was and is no longer holding it
No longer forcing it to admit
Gone forever so it falls into a better place
Gin came to town and broke their people
Sin came to them but they were affixing
And so they live with cream
And so touched by this beam
Making distorted poison seem
Nothing that it should have been
When lines makes juice of infests and
When lies make houses for insects
The house that bends at the seams
Breaks and the juice spills down on them
It buries them in their dreams
The cream hardens and they are locked
Molded away forever but in a better scene
Nothing that it should have been
____________________________________

Take it Away!
Challenged in the fight so to keep up the l i f e
Of knowing all-knowing, growing, fulfilling, flowing LIFE!
And we know its free, to be to freely take a n y w a y
But we don't let that Beelzebub, no, take our vitality away
Take it away
It is that falter that we must fear?
Our nemesis for the end or beginning
Chooses what is near
If we fight you cant take it away from us
Take this higher mind away
And we are left with dirt
You cant take it away
Then you shall go nowhere
Take it away from here
With one more jab into its consciousness
Fabricate it oh so lifeless
It falls wickedly to the floor
Eyes imprisoned forever more
We feel the victory
We have overthrown
We taste the victory
No longer overgrown
Gone with its vitality
We were changed in the fight to keep our l i f e
Of knowing all-knowing, growing, fulfilling, flowing LIFE!
And we knew it was free, too free to take a n y w a y
But we didn't let that Beelzebub, no, take our vitality away
Take it AWAY
WAY, WAY, WAY
Take it AWAY
________________________________________________

Panic
Your nervous and confused
The Panic surrounds you
Sudden judgement, Sudden judgement
You panic
I calm you
When you panic
I am there to calm you
No worries anymore
Warm you now I pour
My heart into your depths
No worries anymore
Hold you when I pour
My heart into your soul
Panic, can it find you
When I am gone?
Panic, will it reach you
When I you are lost
Panic, now it breaks you
When I'm not there
I'm sorry
_______________________

LESBIANS
by Russ, co written by Criss Jimenez

Do not be afraid of them
Get to know a lesbian
She might even let you in
Unless she is a true lesbian
Lesbians I like Lesbians
Lets be friends with Lesbians
They like girls no more guys
They never complain they will be alright
With a girl she will never fight
Let them kiss and make it alright
Lesbians I like Lesbians
Lets be friends with Lesbians
Share a thought with a lesbian
Open up embrace the lesbian
She is gay do not fear
Homophobia will never get you near a
Lesbian I like lesbians
Lets be friends with lesbians
____________________________

Under a Garden
Soft glowing patterns of flowers
In the flowing winds
Make a song this beautiful light
To where it begins
Stop this where it begins
Stop this to begin
Need to get a way
Find a place to stay
Want to get away
From this door under the garden
Where flowers look like mud
Animal feces matured
Where lay death down here
Millions of species endured
This door is in the way
Let the light shine
Under a garden
Under a garden
_________________________

Call It Cracked
We are, We are
The life given to us for free
We are
For woman offering hospitality
Need
The Making money marvelty
Sex
The organ of cuckoldry
Sound
Harmonizing hymnology
Feel
Is Everything heavenly?
Can you explain the sex?
What is the sound of love?
Please give this to me
All night long
Making the whole shebang
What is the name of love?
Just Call it Cracked
________________________

Pieces for a Game
Burn out of air
Lean into sight
Look over the side
Fly out of sight
Taken away from this
Understated ligamental life
Torn away from this
Break made love lighted bright
No person could understand
Our game we play
We play our game
Think and don't feel
That's what you do
If you only knew
That's what you do
Take you away from this
Understated ligamental life
Tear you away from this
Break made love lighted bright
No person would understand
Your game you play
You play your game
I'm not a piece for you
Amongst all your pieces
I'm not a piece for you
____________________

Different
Slipping through the think-of-king minds
By the rest you are obvious-
You can't be of one-of-a-kinds
At the worst you become of us
Its too bad that when
When you are standing outside, inside,
Inside you'll never
Different
Similar simplicity
Falling through the tunneling clouds
Mixing with all the long faces
You never stand out of the crowds
Found inside similar places
Its to bad that when
When you are standing outside, inside,
Inside you'll never
Different...
MIXING INTO so many people
They're all so drab
Difference
They drive you mad
Difference
standing out fad
Difference
Is it that the importance?
FALLING INTO so many people
You're all the Same
Difference
You're driving you insane
Difference
You're fabricated Pain
Difference
But who cares anyway?
Different...
Do you need money to live?
Maybe all you need is answers
How about a reason to live?
Like the rest you make excuses
Its too bad that when
When you are standing outside, inside,
Inside you'll never
Different
___________________________________

The Most Beautiful Sound in the World, Chapter II

From a beach you lay your blanket out on the water
You play your instruments while floating across the shore
There awaiting on the other side of the peer
Is someone crying is any one out there?
The sound of your engines become familiar
Your eyes are guided to eachother
By the fusion of her call and your music
You approach eachother and begin to synchronize
Summoning by harmonized keys creating
The most beautiful sound in the world
A world outside the inner limits
In anything reasoned out to be existent
Together creating the most beautiful sound in the world
____________________________________

Nothing
Getting a piercing shoulder because a self-inflicted diary made lingering wounds seem painless is not a wise proclamation. If coming down on that thought to write it in a hemisphere of hope is understanding what is real, then lying lingering painless hopes are nothing to make seem light weight. But of coarse, like cheese, we feel whole yet fall through tunneling gaps in ourselves. We slide on liquid vessels of tiny snails and mischief children then sit on our longing to belonging comrades. Large, new, and bright, glimmering in the waves of the lost hands, we stand. Getting hit by each movement with a force that knocks pillars in a flutter of quickly fading butterflies, we breathe. Fading so fast but so delicate that on each second they show their wings and so we gaze. Facing outward, beyond the milky blur of washed away voices, we listen. We learn in time that if each cold spine is drenched with careful but slightly harsh words, then that shivering metallic string becomes warm and strong. Life is given and a brand is taken away and so we feel that understanding makes no sense but that knowing is what lets us believe. If that is all we need then shall we die and shall we stop building the strength that keeps our fingers twitching. Twitch, twitch...our air seizes and there is nothing.
by Russ
____________________________________________

To the Girl of My Dreams:
As I walk into the room, I look to so see if you are there, like I do everyday. To know that you are there is pure bliss. As an essence of assurance, it is comforting to know it is somewhere I can always find you. I walk through people standing, talking, but I hear nothing. All I feel is anticipation for I will soon be closer to you. The curve of your face radiates from the sun's beams that come from outside. You are beautiful. Your eyes stare down, as if you are concealing your thoughts from escaping from your world to mine. As I stand by you, I try not to make my affection seem obvious. You glance at me, tilt your brightened face up, and for less than a second your eyes lock mine. You greet me with not a word, but a look. I sit down without uttering anything, like I do often. If I say something it will be too insincere. My heart can not speak to you, but if it does it will say infinite compliments. Your beauty gratifies my eyes, yet they never convince my heart to express my emotions. My breath can not speak the words I feel. You are too distant, too far away from me. I wish I can be lost in the depths of your eyes, infinitely, if you will only let me. Inside of you, I would cry for what lingers in your most powerful mind that I adore. Knowing that my respect and innocence would limit my soul, you would never hear me. You only experience my actions and that is what you find easy to embrace, then you give up your search. As the day plots a burden between us and as society pushes us apart, these gray elements prove to me that my heart could never be yours. I pretend and you accept that we are, and will never be, anything but something meant to be.

By the end of the day I rest my head in a sea of thought. Not a night passes by without thinking of you. I do not know how I feel what it is I feel for you. I think it must be a sickness and that you are my only cure. In my mind, the other heart, you see me as someone that can never exceed the shallowness of the everyday person. I feel I am stuck in a place that locks me away from your seat of passion. No matter what I try, I will never reach you. Still, when I sleep my heart speaks to me. It tells me the most beautiful dream ever. If heaven could be as grand as my dream, I would wish to die. You are my dream. We, together as one love, are so dear to eachother. You share my love, show your love, and I feel the best I ever have in my life. Who knows a dream can be so touching? Everything about you makes you like a fantasy from heaven, an angel sent to give the world hope, or perhaps just me. Although I never feel anything like this for anyone else, I don't know if I can call it love. It may not be love, but I know the thought of loosing you rips my heart, my chest burns, and it ís the worst pain I can feel. Tears never flow from my eyes for such feelings until you are thought of gone. In my dream, oh so intimately sweet, your lips so soft, we are so close. Then I realize it ís just a dream that in the end, is far more melancholic than romantic. I awake and the day moves on in repetition. Even now I cant believe it is true.

You are the girl of my dreams.

Loving you always,

Russell