This has been an eventful week as I did predict, and by no surprise it came with some unpredictable tests to pass. Good times.
I am in love with Casey. Its amazing, wonderful, overwhelming, and, well so many other emotions indescribable at the moment.
My Dad is supposedly recovering and should be out of the hospital soon. My mom told me that whats happening is that his cells are starting to regrow, and take over Janette's donated cells. If this happens, then it is highly likely that he'll end up with leukemia all over again. I have faith that what God intends will be good, and the timing will make sense. I dont know how much he has left, but I am hopeful and optimistic.
So I tried to get out of Palmdale this morning with no luck. I couldn't find my cell phone and left my jacket here, so it wasnt meant to be. I came back and now I have these items I'll take with me tomorrow. I ended up spending almost 5 hours in Bakersfield waiting for a bus back to Palmdale after being denied (the train was full). I'm tired because I haven't really slept much since yesterday. I am stuck in between. I've been in such complete bliss within Casey's presence and in this wonderful love trance I have barely managed to stay rational and organized. I guess I get extra space-headed when I'm falling in love. We are for real, she has experienced me as my true, raw self. This is love, and there is more to come. I feel a sense of relief now that we understand whats been in the making between us. I'm exited about our future experiences.
___________________________
With some time to kill I sang songs in the train station, well until they told me to stop and go outside. I was fed some compliments and so with that fuel I got a little too loud for "business to take place". Instead of going outside I started reading more of The Tibetan Book of the Dead. I took some notes from chapter 8, "Natural Liberation Through Naked Vision, Identifying the Intelligence"...
The Forceful Method
"Be sure mind's nature is groundless and voidness,
Your mind is insubstantial like empty space--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(Disidentify with your physical body. Perceive your mind as empty space.)
"Not fastening to the view of annihilative voidness,
Be sure spontaneous wisdom has always been clear,
Spontaneous in itself like the essence of the sun--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(Your existence is not meaningless. Have faith and remain open to new paths.)
"Be sure that intelligent wisdom is uninterrupted,
Like a continuous current of a river--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(Allow intuition to guide you. Trust yourself and go with the flow.)
"Be sure it will not be known by thinking various reasons,
Its movement insubstantial like breezes in the sky--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(You may never know why you are here and now or where you are going, and thats okay)
"Be sure that what appears is your own perception.
Appearance is natural perception, like a reflection in a mirror--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(Your experiences are based in your own perception. As your perceive, you therefore experience yourself. This is the foundation for compassion and respect for a seemingly (yet illusionary)external and disconnected world)
"Be sure that all signs are liberated on the spot;
Self originated, self delivered, like clouds in the sky--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(You create and perceive your own signs. Follow them with little hesitation. Make your decisions in the here and now)
"There is no thing not included in the mind.
Where is meditation other than from the mind?
There is no teaching to practice other than mind-practice.
There is mo commitment to maintain outside the mind.
Look again! Look again! Look at your own mind!"
(Everything is experienced through mind. You learn and teach with mind. All goals and achievements are originated in the mind. This is the law of attraction and manifestation; mind is the cause and the effect.)
"Looking out there into the realms of space,
The mind will not emanate reflections,
Looking here within your own mind,
There is no emanator of mind's emanations.
Your mind is clarity without hallucinations.
It is the Truth Body, self aware, clear light voidness,
Cloudless and translucent like a sunrise in the sky,
Unrestricted by forms, it is clearly known everywhere.
Whether you realize this point or not makes a great difference."
(This is the awakening. Look within to find truth.)
"This primarily unproduced, spontaneous clear light,
A wonder that this awareness-child lacks parents!
This spontaneous wisdom, a wonder no one made it!
Having never known a birth, a wonder it can never die!
Obviously clear, a wonder it lacks a seer!"
(Truth can not be created or destroyed. It just is.)
"Wandering in the cycle, a wonder it is not real evil!
Beholding Buddhahood, a wonder it is not real good!"
(Truth is neither good or bad. It just is.)
"Being everywhere, a wonder it does not know reality!
Beyond this, a wonder it hopes for other fruits!
It being yourself, a wonder you seek elsewhere!"
(Truth can not be know, but is experienced through clear mind.
Do not seek without. Separateness and externalization is illusionary; all is within)
"Ema! This brilliant, thingless, now-awareness,
Just this is the pinnacle of all views!
This perceiving, universal, total freedom,
Just this is the pinnacle of all meditation!
This uncontrived, relaxed approach to life,
Just this is the pinnacle of all conduct!
This unsought, primal, effortless achievement,
Just this is the pinnacle of accomplishments!"
(By practicing and trusting clear intuition; by going with the flow instead of against it; by being present in the here and now, you will fulfill your life's purpose.)
I am in love with Casey. Its amazing, wonderful, overwhelming, and, well so many other emotions indescribable at the moment.
My Dad is supposedly recovering and should be out of the hospital soon. My mom told me that whats happening is that his cells are starting to regrow, and take over Janette's donated cells. If this happens, then it is highly likely that he'll end up with leukemia all over again. I have faith that what God intends will be good, and the timing will make sense. I dont know how much he has left, but I am hopeful and optimistic.
So I tried to get out of Palmdale this morning with no luck. I couldn't find my cell phone and left my jacket here, so it wasnt meant to be. I came back and now I have these items I'll take with me tomorrow. I ended up spending almost 5 hours in Bakersfield waiting for a bus back to Palmdale after being denied (the train was full). I'm tired because I haven't really slept much since yesterday. I am stuck in between. I've been in such complete bliss within Casey's presence and in this wonderful love trance I have barely managed to stay rational and organized. I guess I get extra space-headed when I'm falling in love. We are for real, she has experienced me as my true, raw self. This is love, and there is more to come. I feel a sense of relief now that we understand whats been in the making between us. I'm exited about our future experiences.
___________________________
With some time to kill I sang songs in the train station, well until they told me to stop and go outside. I was fed some compliments and so with that fuel I got a little too loud for "business to take place". Instead of going outside I started reading more of The Tibetan Book of the Dead. I took some notes from chapter 8, "Natural Liberation Through Naked Vision, Identifying the Intelligence"...
The Forceful Method
"Be sure mind's nature is groundless and voidness,
Your mind is insubstantial like empty space--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(Disidentify with your physical body. Perceive your mind as empty space.)
"Not fastening to the view of annihilative voidness,
Be sure spontaneous wisdom has always been clear,
Spontaneous in itself like the essence of the sun--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(Your existence is not meaningless. Have faith and remain open to new paths.)
"Be sure that intelligent wisdom is uninterrupted,
Like a continuous current of a river--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(Allow intuition to guide you. Trust yourself and go with the flow.)
"Be sure it will not be known by thinking various reasons,
Its movement insubstantial like breezes in the sky--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(You may never know why you are here and now or where you are going, and thats okay)
"Be sure that what appears is your own perception.
Appearance is natural perception, like a reflection in a mirror--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(Your experiences are based in your own perception. As your perceive, you therefore experience yourself. This is the foundation for compassion and respect for a seemingly (yet illusionary)external and disconnected world)
"Be sure that all signs are liberated on the spot;
Self originated, self delivered, like clouds in the sky--
Like it or not, look at your own mind!"
(You create and perceive your own signs. Follow them with little hesitation. Make your decisions in the here and now)
"There is no thing not included in the mind.
Where is meditation other than from the mind?
There is no teaching to practice other than mind-practice.
There is mo commitment to maintain outside the mind.
Look again! Look again! Look at your own mind!"
(Everything is experienced through mind. You learn and teach with mind. All goals and achievements are originated in the mind. This is the law of attraction and manifestation; mind is the cause and the effect.)
"Looking out there into the realms of space,
The mind will not emanate reflections,
Looking here within your own mind,
There is no emanator of mind's emanations.
Your mind is clarity without hallucinations.
It is the Truth Body, self aware, clear light voidness,
Cloudless and translucent like a sunrise in the sky,
Unrestricted by forms, it is clearly known everywhere.
Whether you realize this point or not makes a great difference."
(This is the awakening. Look within to find truth.)
"This primarily unproduced, spontaneous clear light,
A wonder that this awareness-child lacks parents!
This spontaneous wisdom, a wonder no one made it!
Having never known a birth, a wonder it can never die!
Obviously clear, a wonder it lacks a seer!"
(Truth can not be created or destroyed. It just is.)
"Wandering in the cycle, a wonder it is not real evil!
Beholding Buddhahood, a wonder it is not real good!"
(Truth is neither good or bad. It just is.)
"Being everywhere, a wonder it does not know reality!
Beyond this, a wonder it hopes for other fruits!
It being yourself, a wonder you seek elsewhere!"
(Truth can not be know, but is experienced through clear mind.
Do not seek without. Separateness and externalization is illusionary; all is within)
"Ema! This brilliant, thingless, now-awareness,
Just this is the pinnacle of all views!
This perceiving, universal, total freedom,
Just this is the pinnacle of all meditation!
This uncontrived, relaxed approach to life,
Just this is the pinnacle of all conduct!
This unsought, primal, effortless achievement,
Just this is the pinnacle of accomplishments!"
(By practicing and trusting clear intuition; by going with the flow instead of against it; by being present in the here and now, you will fulfill your life's purpose.)
looks like love pie to me! thanks for talking last night; i was so tired i'm sure i heard you in my dreams! i think of you with a smile on my face, your presence encouraging. thank you. for all that is, we are, i smile.
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