winds | roots

I need to be done with this weakness, this vulnerability. I soak in too much, but no more. I really need to become all around balanced. I need to need it, as a matter of healthy life or painful death. I need to wrap my mind around what this really means. Its been on my mind for so long. For some reason I have yet to fully discover, the last couple of years have been pretty lonely for me. I have had a lot of time to be with the self. In my mind, I've hardwired where/when/how my character fits into the play as it unfolds. I feel behind, as if I have lagged behind, but for some grand reason that's beyond me now. I have questioned and I have had doubt for the signs I've encountered. I do not wish to repeatedly ignore them, or avoid the instinctual drive to follow them. For this seems to be, to me, the reason I feel this need to catch up with where I need to be in life. Doubt, laziness and fear stems from self doubt, self loathing, and self fear. I tend to doubt my judgment, tend to addict to simple gratifications as mean of temporary comfort, tend to fear the reactions of those who's ignorance or awareness of my actions creates for misunderstanding. For too long I have personally limited the power of confidence; the law of attraction; the efficacy of manifestation; the truth of this affirmation. No longer I say. No longer will I continue this pattern. I am eagar to break through this transition into a more healthy life.